U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
