Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
