this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
