Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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