She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
vagina is talking i cant
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
