I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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