pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
