if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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