Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize