Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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