It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
