This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
