I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
vagina is talking i cant
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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