tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
