You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
