After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
