He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
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Do I have a choice?
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He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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