Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
