we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
