jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
