At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
