Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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