I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
