doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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