this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
