the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
