I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
