how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
