I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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