So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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