the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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