She's JV to your varsity
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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