i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
