I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
