You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize