What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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