I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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