I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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