The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
handjob tips. give me some.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
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