Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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