spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
