My hand turned me down
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
