Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
