I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
