he wants to bone in the snuggie
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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