I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
