i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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