and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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