His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
