for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So. Much. Porn.
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