I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
