PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
