Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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