break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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