u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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