It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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