I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
