omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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