all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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