he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize