Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
