i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
