first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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