so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
