Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
