it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
