in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He did a backflip because drugs
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