why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
