so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
