I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
