How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize