I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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