dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
