are you so shy because you have an std?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
