I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
