I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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