it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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