i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
