She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
