You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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