I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
