**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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