I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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