hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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