I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
