I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
