..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Found the puke drawer
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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