A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
