I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
