literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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