There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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